Midlife Reflection: What This Year Taught Me About Strength, Rest, and Grace

Can I tell you something that I've never said before?

I've always been the person who looks for the good in every year, even the tough ones.

I've heard people say, this year was horrible.

I can't wait for January 1st.

And that's never been me.

I've never thrown a whole year away.

But this year.

Oh, this one.

It stretched me.

It shook me in places I didn't expect.

It taught me lessons I didn't ask for.

But apparently I need it.

So if your year has been a mix, blessings, breakdowns, lessons, surprises, then I'm right there with you.

Let's talk about what this year taught us.

Living our best life.

It's good to be alive, but it's best to truly live.

Let your spirit fly.

Celebrate the journey every single day.

Aging with Grace and style in our own special way.

Welcome to Aging with Grace and Style, the podcast where we talk about living boldly, beautifully, and with a whole lot of honesty after 50 Valerie I'm your host, Valerie, and today we're starting a brand new mini series, the Year End Reset.

It's designed especially for us women over 50.

And listen, this is not about reinventing yourself or pretending everything is perfect.

This is about reflecting, releasing, and reconnecting with who you are without pressure and without perfection.

You know how every January we write things down?

Goals, intentions, a word for the year.

And we start off with such good energy, right?

You've got your journals, your vision boards, your affirmations.

Everything is lined up like little soldiers.

And then life starts doing what life does.

It gets loud, it gets messy, it gets real.

And before you know it, we're halfway through the year thinking, wait, this is not what I envisioned.

This year taught me something big.

A good year has nothing to do with perfection and everything to do with perspective.

We get so attached to the idea that a good year is the one where everything goes according to plan.

No bumps, no setbacks, and no surprises.

But that's not real life.

Let me pause here and talk to you for a second, because I know that I'm not the only one who got hit with some curveballs this year.

You had things that you wanted to accomplish, places you wanted to go, habits you swore you were finally going to stick with, people you wanted to show up for.

But life in true life fashion came in with his own plans.

I have a friend whose husband lost his job unexpectedly early in the year.

They were totally blindsided.

And another woman that I know actually buried several family members back to back in the same year.

She told me Valerie, I am tired in a place that sleep can't fix.

And maybe for you, maybe it wasn't loss or crisis.

Maybe it was burnout, loneliness, financial worry, or the weight of being someone else's rock.

But we all had something this year.

This year reminded me.

A good year isn't the one where everything stays neat.

A good year is the one where you kept standing, where you grew, where you made it through things you didn't even know you'd have to face.

And if you ever looked at your life and thought this wasn't the plan, just know you're not alone, girl.

Join the club.

One of the biggest lessons for me this year came after my mother fell.

Everything in my life shifted in what seemed like it was just like overnight.

I went from having a rhythm, a groove to rearranging schedules, packing bags and driving four hours back and forth to be there with an assist her.

And somewhere in that back and forth, I realized I never stopped to check in on myself.

Have you ever been moving so fast, caring for everyone else that you forget to ask yourself, hey, how are you doing?

That was me.

And a big shout out to my husband because he stepped in with so much grace.

But even with support, I was stretched.

This year taught me something about caregiving.

Love requires adjustment, not perfection.

And you can show up for others without disappearing inside the responsibility.

And for those of you caring for parents, kids, grandkids, or all three.

Because you know, we're in that sandwich generation now.

You already know midlife isn't quiet.

It's layered.

It's full.

Nobody prepared us for the emotional load of being the daughter, the wife, the mother, the caretaker, and the grown woman trying to take care of herself.

And right when I thought I had adjusted to that new rhythm, life tapped me on the shoulder again and said, hey, Valerie, don't forget about you.

And that moment came through my own health.

Let me tell you, nothing brings your priorities into focus like waiting on test results.

I had a CT scan, an MRI biopsy, another mri.

That's a lot of waiting rooms, a lot of late night thoughts, a lot of conversations with God, even more conversations than I already have.

Thankfully, everything came back clear.

But the process changed me.

And I know I'm not the only woman listening who had a health moment.

This year.

So many women whispered to me, I'm waiting on results, or I haven't told anyone yet, but something just doesn't feel right.

Health reminders hit different in midlife.

They make you pause, they make you think, they make you pay attention.

This year Taught me, you don't pay attention to your body because it's failing.

You pay attention because you want to stay well.

And now that I'm a grandmother, Lil Halo needs me.

My son and my daughter in law need me.

I want to be here, I mean like really here.

For all their seasons, their milestones, their ordinary days.

This year gave me a deeper appreciation for my health and a new intentionality about doing what I need to do to take care of myself.

And here's another thing this year brought up.

I had a moment where I questioned my value at work.

Nobody said anything, nobody hinted anything, but my mind went there.

I sometimes think I would be a good storybook writer because I can make up all kinds of stories in my head.

Have you ever had your mind create like a whole narrative out of thin air?

I found myself thinking, do they still see my value?

Does my experience still matter?

Are decisions happening without me because I'm seasoned?

And here's the kicker.

I'm the same one who always tells you your age is your advantage, your experience is your superpower.

Yet here I was wondering if people saw me differently.

Sometimes the spiral comes from exhaustion, sometimes it's from fear.

But sometimes it comes from age related paranoia that we don't want to admit.

This year taught me this truth.

You can know your worth and still have to remind yourself of it.

You can be confident and still have moments of doubt.

You can be wise and still get caught off guard.

But the value, the experience, the contribution, your presence, still there, still needed, still powerful.

And somewhere in the mix of caregiving, fear, work, travel, and being everything to everyone, I realized I was doing too much.

Not because I'm Superwoman, but because I wasn't giving myself space to breathe.

I had one day when I sat down and said, if I don't stop, my body is going to stop me.

Have you ever had that moment where your mind, your body and your spirit said, girl, get somewhere and sit down before I sit you down.

This year taught me that rest is not optional.

It's necessary.

And taking a break isn't a weakness, it's wisdom.

So what am I taking with me?

And what am I leaving behind?

As we move into this new year, what I'm taking with me.

A deeper appreciation for my health because I want to be here for my granddaughter, my son, my daughter in law.

Gratitude for the people who stood with me.

The reminder that I am stronger than I sometimes think.

The clarity that only comes from a different year.

Permission to choose what nourishes me over what drains me.

And what am I leaving behind?

Perfection.

It's a myth that I'm done chasing.

Or at least let me be honest, I think I'm done chasing it.

Or I'm going to try to be done chasing it over.

Commitment.

I can't do everything and I don't want to.

The habit of putting myself last.

I'm still working on it, but I'm committed.

The idea that my value changes based on circumstances, the belief that everything is urgent.

And let me say this, leaving something behind doesn't mean you'll never struggle with it again.

It simply means you're not carrying the full weight of it into the next season.

So here are three things I want you to remember this week.

Number one, your year does not need to be perfect to be purposeful.

Growth counts.

Strength counts.

Showing up counts.

Your value is not negotiable even when you question it.

Experience doesn't expire.

Number three, you deserve care, rest and peace.

Not as a reward, but as a right.

Give yourself what you need.

You didn't just survive this year, you became this year.

You're not behind, you're not too much and you're not invisible.

You are evolving beautifully.

Until next time, Keep showing up with grace, keep living with style, and keep stepping boldly into every season of your amazing life.

Come back next week for episode two of this series.

Thanks for hanging out with me today.

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Until next time, keep shining with grace, style and a touch of sassy.

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