Hey, Didn’t I Just Say That? The Art of Reclaiming Your Voice

Have you ever felt invisible in a room full of people, your words floating past unclaimed until someone else repeats them and suddenly they're golden?

This isn't just a meeting mishap.

It's a pattern many women, especially women of color, know all too well.

It's not about ego.

It's about being seen, heard and valued.

I've been there for a long time.

I let it slide because I don't want to seem combative or feed into that angry black woman stereotype.

But one day I had had enough.

I calmly said with a little smile.

Didn't I just say that?

It wasn't loud.

It wasn't rude.

It was firm.

And from that moment on, things shifted.

Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is not let your voice be borrowed by someone else.

It's good to be alive, but it's best to truly let your spirit fly.

Celebrate the journey every single day.

Aging with grace and Stuff Special Way.

Welcome to Aging with Grace and Style.

The space where we unpack what it means to grow through midlife with wisdom, confidence and a touch of rebellion.

I'm your host, Valerie.

Last time, we looked inward at the woman in the mirror.

Today we turn outward, exploring how the world responds to our voices and how we can respond in return.

Because using your voice isn't just about speaking up.

It's about rewriting the rules of engagement, but on your own terms.

Let's set the record stage.

This isn't about finding your voice.

You didn't misplace it.

You didn't lose it.

You've always had a voice.

You've used it to lead your family, your teams, your community, maybe your ministry at church.

But maybe now you're choosing how and when to speak differently.

And that's not weakness.

That's wisdom.

Research shows women's ideas are more likely to be overlooked in group settings, only to be acknowledged when echoed by others.

This isn't about being too sensitive.

It's a documented phenomenon.

And you're not alone.

Here's a story from Maya, one of our listeners.

So she started keeping a voice journal, noting every time her ideas were ignored in meetings.

And she told me, at first it was discouraging to see how often it happened.

But then I started gently reclaiming my ideas.

If someone repeated what I'd said, I'd say, I'm glad you liked my suggestion.

Let's build on it.

It felt awkward at first, but over time, people started listening.

The first time I spoke.

Maya's story reminds us that sometimes reclaiming your voice is A quiet act of courage.

I've always had strong opinions, but sometimes I held back.

Not because I didn't know what to say, but because I didn't want to seem like a know it all.

I had to learn to pause, to choose my moments, to ask, is this worth speaking into, or am I just trying to prove something?

That was a big shift because I realized I didn't have to speak to be powerful.

But when I do, I want it to come from a place of clarity, not performance.

It's not just about what you say, but it's the calculation behind it.

Will I be seen as assertive or aggressive?

Will I be dismissed as emotional or passionate?

This is called emotional labor, the invisible work of managing perceptions, code switching, and navigating stereotypes.

You know, one episode, we're going to talk about code switching, but I digressed.

There's a reason why sometimes we just stay quiet.

Not because we're unsure, but because we're exhausted.

Denise, another listener, shared with me.

I work in health care, and there have been times when I wanted to speak up about patient care, but I worried about being labeled difficult.

One day I realized my silence was costing my peace.

I started speaking up calmly and clearly, and even though it was uncomfortable, I noticed my colleagues began to respect my input more.

It wasn't about being loud.

It was about being honest.

Denise's experience it shows us that using your voice can shift not only how others see you, but how you see yourself.

So let's take a moment for, let's call it a grounding exercise.

Before your next meeting or even your next conversation, take a deep breath and ask yourself, what's the truth?

I want to stand in today and then write it down and then let that anchor you.

So here's something to reflect on.

Where in your life have you been quiet, not because you lacked words, but because you didn't want the weight of saying them?

And is that still serving you?

Let's be honest, there are times when we should speak and we still don't.

That could be when someone disrespects your time, when a family member assumes that you'll always say yes.

When a doctor dismisses your symptoms, when someone tries to water down your brilliance.

In those moments, you don't have to snap or even over explain sometimes a simple that's not okay with me.

Or let's pause.

I want to make sure I'm being heard.

It's all that it takes to shift the dynamic.

Remember, boundaries aren't walls.

They're bridges to mutual respect.

As Brene Brown says clear is kind.

Not to dominate the room, but to remind yourself, I belong in this conversation.

Many of us learned early that harmony was safer than honesty.

But as we grow, we.

We realize peace without self respect is just silence.

What would it look like to choose self respect, even if it means discomfort?

We've all had seasons where we've held our tongue to keep the peace.

But peace at the expense of self respect, that's not peace.

That's performance.

And the truth is, we've taught people how to treat us.

So now part of becoming is reteaching them.

Reaffirming that.

No, it's actually a full sentence.

That silence isn't always agreement.

That just because we used to show up one way doesn't mean we owe anyone the same version forever.

So ask yourself this week, am I quiet because I'm wise or because I'm afraid of being misunderstood?

And what would change if I said it anyway?

Kindly, clearly, confidently.

This isn't about being the loudest in the room.

It's about being anchored.

It's about showing up as the woman who knows who she is, who knows what she's about, who doesn't need to raise her voice to raise her value.

Try this.

Stand in the mirror and say, my voice matters.

My words have weight.

Notice how it feels.

Does it feel awkward?

Does it feel empowering?

That's growth.

When you speak from that place, you don't need to apologize.

You don't need to soften it for someone else's comfort.

You just need to say it and let it stand.

So here's an affirmation.

I am not too much.

I am just enough.

And when I speak, I speak from truth, not fear.

Say it again if you need to, and say it louder, you know, throughout the people in the back of the room.

Better yet, write your own affirmation and share it with someone that you trust.

Or share it with me.

In our community, Sis, you've earned your voice.

You've earned your wisdom.

You've earned your clarity.

So whether you're speaking in a boardroom, in your home, or at your church, or just standing in front of the mirror, say what you need to say.

Say it calm.

Say it with power.

Say it like you mean it.

If this episode made you pause, reflect, or straighten your shoulders a little, send it to a friend who needs the same.

Better yet, start a conversation about the moments that you've both felt unheard.

If you have a story about reclaiming your voice, you know I'd love to hear it.

Send me a message or leave me a voice note@pod.agingwithgraceandstyle.com your experience might inspire someone else on their journey.

Next week, we're closing the series with one more powerful truth.

It's reclaiming your identity from the roles, the labels, and the limits that they gave you.

Until next time, keep standing, keep speaking, and keep aging with grace, style and a touch of Sat.

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Until next time, keep shining with grace, style, and a touch of sass.