The Beauty of Becoming: Discovering Your True Self After 50

Have you ever stood in front of the mirror and wondered, who is this woman?

You know her.

Her eyes, her smile, her laugh lines.

Something feels unfamiliar.

Maybe your face has changed, maybe your body has shifted.

And sometimes, even when life is good, you feel a little disconnected from the woman staring back.

If that's you, take a deep breath with me right now.

You're not broken.

You're becoming.

And today we're going to talk about what the mirror can't show you.

Your power, your presence.

And the beautiful transformation happening inside you, even if you can't always see it.

It's good to be alive, but it's best to truly let your spirit fly.

Celebrate the journey every single day.

Aging with Grace and style in our own special Way.

Welcome to Aging with Grace and Style, the podcast for women over 50 who are ready to show up, fully honor their evolution, and live this chapter out loud.

I'm your host, Valerie, and you're listening to part one of the Becoming series, a three part conversation about letting go of what we were and stepping into who we're called to be.

Now, today we're talking about the mirror.

Not just what we see, but what we feel.

Not just how we look, but how we value ourselves.

So grab your coffee, take another deep breath, and let's get into it.

There's something deeply personal about the way we look at ourselves, especially when the outside starts to change, but the inside feels familiar.

You're doing your morning routine, your moisturizer, brushing your hair, add in a little mascara and of course the lip gloss.

And then out of nowhere, you catch your reflection and you think, wait, when did I start looking like this?

If you've been through big transitions like aging, caregiving, loss, retirement, or just the slow shifting of life seasons, the mirror becomes less about appearance and more about identity.

Studies show that acceptance of physical changes, self esteem and optimism are key predictors of mental health and well being for women in their 50s, women who are able to accept the changes in their appearance and maintain a positive outlook report better self rated health and emotional resistance.

Here's the truth.

What we're searching for in the mirror is rarely just about our face.

We're looking for something that's familiar.

We're looking for stability for a version of ourselves that we recognize.

But the reflection has changed and the you underneath has too.

And here's the thing.

It's not always about insecurity.

Sometimes it's about recognition.

Because what we're really asking is, do I still see me in.

So ask yourself, what's the first thing that you say to yourself when you look in the mirror, Would you say that same thing to your best friend?

If not, then maybe it's time to offer yourself a little more grace.

For so many of us, confidence was rooted in what we did for others.

I think back to when my son John was still in school.

I was John's mom.

At basketball games, parent teacher meetings in the grocery store.

You're John's mom.

Not Valerie, not Mrs. Hatcher, just John's mom.

And you know, I wore that name with pride.

And since he played basketball in college, it carried on there too.

I was John's mom.

But when he graduated and moved on, and then when people we knew moved away, I noticed something.

No one called me that anymore.

It was like had to find a new way to take up space.

And while this might surprise people who know me, for a little while I wasn't sure who I was outside of that role.

Research on midlife women shows that identity often shifts from being defined by social roles like mother, wife or professional to a more internal, self driven sense of self.

This transition can be challenging, but it also opens the door to greater autonomy and self definition.

It made me realize confidence gets a little wobbly when our titles get quiet.

We're not always taught how to be women without the labels, but that's where becoming begins.

Now think of the roles that you've used to hold.

Now ask yourself, what do I want to be called now?

Not by others, but by me.

Have you ever scrolled through your camera roll and think, dang, I didn't even appreciate how good I looked back then.

I've been there too.

Recently I came across a photo.

Longer, thicker hair, more toned.

Just looked more energized.

And my first thought was, I missed those legs.

But then I paused.

Because what I was really longing for wasn't just the look.

It was the season of life.

That photo reminded me of a time when life felt full, when I was in motion, when things were busy and good.

And you know what?

I like who I am today.

I really do.

But that moment reminded me Sometimes we attach beauty to errors, not features.

It's not just about the body.

It's about what that version of us felt like.

Studies have found that body image concerns and the challenge of reconciling a youthful inner self with an aging outer appearance are common for women in later life.

However, many women also report a growing sense of acceptance and even pride in their evolving identity as they age.

So let me say this with love.

You are not who you were.

And that's not a flaw, it's a gift.

If you keep measuring your worth by old standards, how you used to look, what others used to call you, how many people needed you, you'll miss the sacred beauty of becoming, letting go of who we used to be.

It isn't easy.

We're wired to find safety in the familiar, even if it no longer fits.

If you were praised for being productive, selfless, always there for everyone, then stepping into a more centered version of yourself might feel a bit selfish or even uncomfortable.

But here's the shift.

You don't have to abandon who you are.

You just don't have to perform her anymore.

Let her rest.

Let her evolve.

Let her become.

Let's talk about something real.

We live in a culture that teaches women to fade, to age quietly, to become invisible, to support but maybe not be so seen, to serve but not take up space.

Cultural attitudes and ageism can negatively impact women's self esteem and body image, reinforcing the idea that women lose value as they age.

However, research also shows that women who resist these societal pressures and embrace their visibility report higher well being and self worth.

Becoming means refusing to fade out.

It means wearing the color, asking the question, posting the picture, laughing loudly and saying I'm still here and I matter, declaring I will not disappear in the second act of my life.

Here's where we move from reflection to rebuilding.

Grieve who you are, then honor who you're becoming.

You're allowed to miss the woman you used to be and still celebrate the woman you're becoming.

Speak differently to your reflection in the mirror.

Try I'm still here and I still matter.

Let go of the script.

Who told you what you had to look like to be beautiful?

They don't get to have the final word.

Dress like a woman who knows who she is.

That might mean color.

That might mean comfort.

That really might mean a short dress.

Whatever feels like you, dress for the confident you that you're growing into.

Celebrate what your body can still do.

You can still walk right.

You can still dance.

You can still laugh.

You can still hug.

That's grace in motion.

I've read that women who focus on self acceptance, on optimism and celebrating their body's abilities rather than just a parent report higher self esteem and better mental health in their 50s and beyond.

So here's your challenge for the week.

Every day this week, look into the mirror and affirm one thing about your becoming.

Try I'm not who I was and that's powerful.

Or I'm arriving in my own life I don't need to shrink to be seen.

I like the woman I'm becoming.

Say it.

Even if it feels awkward.

Say it until it feels true.

You don't need to go back to who you were.

She was amazing.

But she's not the only amazing version of you and the version that's emerging right now.

She's wise, she's worthy, and she deserves your full attention.

So let the mirror reflect what it will, but you decide what you see.

You're still here and you still matter.

This is only part one of the Becoming series.

Next week we're going to talk about finding your voice again.

Because it's not just about how you show up.

It's about how you speak up.

If this episode stirred something in you, then send it to someone who's walking through their own self reflection shift.

Let her know she's not the only one wondering, evolving and becoming.

Until next time, keep looking forward and keep aging with grace, style and a touch of sass.

Thanks for hanging out with me today.

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Join me at pod.agingwithgraceinstyle.com for more tips, stories, and a whole lot of connection.

Until next time, keep shining with grace, style, and a touch of sass.