The Invisible Weight: Unpacking Mental Load in Midlife

Raise your hand if you've ever said, I'm just tired.

But it wasn't your body that was tired.

It was your mind, your heart, your soul.

You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but you knew something wasn't right.

That, my friend, is the mental load.

Talking in midlife, we're often carrying so much.

Some days it feels like we're holding up the entire world with one hand or while stirring dinner with the other.

And we keep going.

We keep smiling, we keep showing up because we're told we're supposed to be strong.

But at what cost?

Today we're having a heart to heart about the invisible weight of emotional labor, the quiet toll it takes on our.

Mental health, and how we start reclaiming.

Joy, rest and resilience, even if it's just one small, sacred step at a time.

Living our best life.

It's good to be alive, but it's best to truly let your spirit fly.

Celebrate the journey every single day.

Aging with Grace and Stuff Style in our own special way.

Welcome to Aging.

With Grace and Style, the podcast where we talk all things confidence, reinvention and real life after 50.

I'm your host, Valerie Hatcher.

If you're new here, welcome.

If you rock with me every week.

Then of course, welcome back.

Today's conversation is one that we don't have enough, especially in our community.

Mental health isn't just about crisis, it's about care.

And today we're shedding light on what's happening beneath the surface for so many women and how we can support each other in showing up whole, not just.

Holding it all together.

When people talk about mental health, they often jump straigh big words.

Depression, anxiety, burnout.

And those are very real.

But sometimes it starts smaller than that.

It's in the moment you realize your joy feels muted.

Or that you can't remember the last time you laughed.

Like a real deep stomach hurting laugh.

Or when you snap at someone you love because your mind has no more room.

I've recently found myself often saying that my mind doesn't have capacity for more.

More decisions, more.

Whatever it is at that moment, let me be real with you.

These past few months, I felt it.

I've been caring for my mom after.

A surgery that didn't go as planned.

Managing my full time job, creating content, showing up for others, holding space when.

I barely had room to breathe.

And somewhere in all of that, I stopped doing the very things that helped me feel like me.

I stopped working out, I stopped moving my body.

I stopped listening to music I just kept going one task to the next, like I was on autopilot.

And my body, well, it's been letting me know I've ached.

Not just physically, but mentally.

Everything felt heavy until one night I was about to go to bed and I paused.

I rolled out my yoga mat.

Not because I wanted to, but because I had to.

I put on the music.

I stretch, I breathe, and just let.

Go for a moment.

The next morning, I got back on that mat.

Then I hopped on the treadmill and.

Put on a gospel song that's now been on repeat in my soul.

The song is called I need you now.

That song says everything that I've been feeling, but I just didn't know how to say it.

I mean, tears rolled down, but not.

Tears of sadness, but tears of release.

That moment reminded me, I'm still in here.

I just had to let her breathe again.

So let's talk about this need to be strong, to hold it together, to not fall apart.

As women, especially Black women, we're often praised for our strength, for our ability to carry everything and everyone.

But the danger in that, we start to believe that rest, softness, or asking for help is weakness.

You may have heard the quote, just because you carry it well doesn't mean it's not heavy.

It's haunting, but it's also backed by data.

We are often the last to seek.

Help, the last to be believed when we do, and the most likely to put ourselves last.

And let me say this clearly.

Taking care of your mental health is not weakness.

It's wisdom.

You may find yourself avoiding calls or.

Messages not because you don't care, but.

Really, just because you're spent.

You're disconnected, just plain done.

We disconnect not because we don't love our people, but because we're too depleted to even hold a conversation.

I've been there, and so have many other women that I know.

You're not alone.

And most importantly, you're not broken.

Mental health doesn't always look like a full breakdown.

Sometimes it looks like not sleeping well, feeling unmotivated.

Even when life is good, it looks.

Like losing interest in things that you.

Used to love, or pulling away from.

Friends or social events, feeling like you're.

Going through the motions.

Did you know that women between the ages of 45 and 64 have the.

Highest rate of depression in the US?

Add in hormonal shifts, loss, financial pressure.

And caregiving stress, and it makes sense.

Why many of us feel overwhelmed.

A woman in our community shared that she hadn't realized she was depressed until her daughter asked, mom, when's the last.

Time you did something for fun?

She said she actually broke down crying.

Sometimes we don't even realize how much we're caring.

Another shared how she had retired early to care for her husband and one.

Day said, I don't even know what I enjoy anymore.

That quiet loss of identity is something.

That so many of us experience silently.

So let's talk about what healing can look like.

Not some dramatic overhaul, but small, sacred shifts.

Number one is movement as medicine.

Even 10 minutes of yoga, of walking or dancing can shift your mindset.

That day I got back on the treadmill.

It wasn't about exercise.

It was about awakening.

It reminded me that my body is.

Still capable of joy.

Number two is make space to feel.

You should know I'm going to say something about journaling.

So try this journaling prompt.

What have I been pushing down lately.

And what do I need instead?

Number three, reconnect with purpose.

You're not just here to work, to give and to endure.

Purpose doesn't have to be big.

It could be mentoring, gardening, volunteering, or.

Simply creating something just for you.

Number four is reach out.

Loneliness is one of the biggest mental health risks in our age group.

Text someone.

Join a women's circle.

Volunteer connection is medicine.

Let's normalize getting help.

Let's drop the shame around therapy and mental health resources.

Going to therapy doesn't mean you're broken.

It really means that you're brave.

Here's some resources that you can explore.

One is therapy for Black girls.

The link is going to be in.

The show notes, but in case you want to jot it down, it's really.

Therapyforblackgirls.Com Another is psychology Today.

On there you can find licensed therapists in your area.

There is 988.

It's the suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

You can call or text that at any time.

And then there is nami, the national alliance on Mental Health Illness.

And That's a helpline.

It's 8 or 6264.

That too will be in the show notes.

There's faith based counseling centers in a lot of communities.

And also check with your employer on resources.

For instance, our company offers support through LifeWorks or Telus, as well as through.

Our group medical plan.

Or really start this whole thing by talking to your primary care doctor.

But let's normalize healing.

Let's normalize rest.

Let's normalize needing support.

So here's what I want you to remember today.

You're not alone in what you're feeling.

You're not weak for needing rest.

You're not selfish for wanting joy.

And you're not too late to heal or to begin again.

This week, choose one thing that supports your mental health.

Maybe it's a walk outside or join me on the yoga mat, a therapy.

Appointment or reaching out to a friend, Saying no to something that drains you, or simply playing a song that just lets your spirit breathe.

And if this episode moved you, then share it.

Let someone else know that they're not the only one that's carrying the silent wait.

Until next time.

Grace up, glow up, and give yourself the care that you so freely give to others.

See you next time.

Thanks for hanging out with me today.

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Share it with a friend and leave a quick review.

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Join me at pod.agingwithgraceinstyle.com for more tips, stories, and a whole lot of connection.

Until next time.

Keep shining with grace, style and a touch of sass.