The Invisible Weight: Unpacking Mental Load in Midlife

Show Notes:
Summary:
Ever felt like you’re just plain old tired? Well, it turns out it's not just your body that needs a break—it's your mind, heart, and soul that are waving the white flag of surrender! Today, we’re diving deep into the invisible load of emotional labor that so many of us are carrying around, especially in midlife. We're chatting about the quiet toll it takes on our mental health and how we can start to reclaim our joy and resilience, one tiny step at a time. So grab your favorite cozy blanket and maybe a snack, and let’s explore how we can lighten that load while laughing and sharing some uplifting moments together. Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t just okay—it’s downright essential!
Timestamps:
00:16 - Understanding the Mental Load
00:45 - The Invisible Weight of Emotional Labor
04:49 - The Burden of Strength
07:50 - Understanding Mental Health and Healing
09:21 - Exploring Mental Health Resources
Key Takeaways:
- Mental health isn't just about crises; it's about the daily care we give ourselves and each other.
- The invisible weight of emotional labor can feel like carrying the world, especially for women.
- Rest and asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of wisdom and self-care.
- Movement can be medicine; even a little stretching or walking can shift our mindset positively.
- Reconnecting with our purpose can reignite joy; it doesn't have to be a grand mission, just something for you.
- Loneliness can be a significant mental health risk, so reaching out to friends is crucial for support.
Links referenced in this episode:
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Therapy for Black Girls
- Psychology Today
- NAMI
- LifeWorks
- Tellus
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Raise your hand if you've ever said, I'm just tired.
Speaker ABut it wasn't your body that was tired.
Speaker AIt was your mind, your heart, your soul.
Speaker AYou couldn't quite put your finger on it, but you knew something wasn't right.
Speaker AThat, my friend, is the mental load.
Speaker ATalking in midlife, we're often carrying so much.
Speaker BSome days it feels like we're holding up the entire world with one hand or while stirring dinner with the other.
Speaker AAnd we keep going.
Speaker BWe keep smiling, we keep showing up because we're told we're supposed to be strong.
Speaker BBut at what cost?
Speaker AToday we're having a heart to heart about the invisible weight of emotional labor, the quiet toll it takes on our.
Speaker BMental health, and how we start reclaiming.
Speaker AJoy, rest and resilience, even if it's just one small, sacred step at a time.
Speaker CLiving our best life.
Speaker CIt's good to be alive, but it's best to truly let your spirit fly.
Speaker CCelebrate the journey every single day.
Speaker CAging with Grace and Stuff Style in our own special way.
Speaker BWelcome to Aging.
Speaker AWith Grace and Style, the podcast where we talk all things confidence, reinvention and real life after 50.
Speaker BI'm your host, Valerie Hatcher.
Speaker BIf you're new here, welcome.
Speaker BIf you rock with me every week.
Speaker AThen of course, welcome back.
Speaker AToday's conversation is one that we don't have enough, especially in our community.
Speaker AMental health isn't just about crisis, it's about care.
Speaker AAnd today we're shedding light on what's happening beneath the surface for so many women and how we can support each other in showing up whole, not just.
Speaker BHolding it all together.
Speaker AWhen people talk about mental health, they often jump straigh big words.
Speaker ADepression, anxiety, burnout.
Speaker BAnd those are very real.
Speaker ABut sometimes it starts smaller than that.
Speaker BIt's in the moment you realize your joy feels muted.
Speaker BOr that you can't remember the last time you laughed.
Speaker ALike a real deep stomach hurting laugh.
Speaker BOr when you snap at someone you love because your mind has no more room.
Speaker BI've recently found myself often saying that my mind doesn't have capacity for more.
Speaker BMore decisions, more.
Speaker AWhatever it is at that moment, let me be real with you.
Speaker BThese past few months, I felt it.
Speaker AI've been caring for my mom after.
Speaker BA surgery that didn't go as planned.
Speaker AManaging my full time job, creating content, showing up for others, holding space when.
Speaker BI barely had room to breathe.
Speaker AAnd somewhere in all of that, I stopped doing the very things that helped me feel like me.
Speaker AI stopped working out, I stopped moving my body.
Speaker AI stopped listening to music I just kept going one task to the next, like I was on autopilot.
Speaker AAnd my body, well, it's been letting me know I've ached.
Speaker BNot just physically, but mentally.
Speaker AEverything felt heavy until one night I was about to go to bed and I paused.
Speaker AI rolled out my yoga mat.
Speaker ANot because I wanted to, but because I had to.
Speaker AI put on the music.
Speaker AI stretch, I breathe, and just let.
Speaker BGo for a moment.
Speaker AThe next morning, I got back on that mat.
Speaker AThen I hopped on the treadmill and.
Speaker BPut on a gospel song that's now been on repeat in my soul.
Speaker AThe song is called I need you now.
Speaker BThat song says everything that I've been feeling, but I just didn't know how to say it.
Speaker AI mean, tears rolled down, but not.
Speaker BTears of sadness, but tears of release.
Speaker BThat moment reminded me, I'm still in here.
Speaker BI just had to let her breathe again.
Speaker ASo let's talk about this need to be strong, to hold it together, to not fall apart.
Speaker AAs women, especially Black women, we're often praised for our strength, for our ability to carry everything and everyone.
Speaker ABut the danger in that, we start to believe that rest, softness, or asking for help is weakness.
Speaker AYou may have heard the quote, just because you carry it well doesn't mean it's not heavy.
Speaker AIt's haunting, but it's also backed by data.
Speaker BWe are often the last to seek.
Speaker AHelp, the last to be believed when we do, and the most likely to put ourselves last.
Speaker BAnd let me say this clearly.
Speaker BTaking care of your mental health is not weakness.
Speaker BIt's wisdom.
Speaker BYou may find yourself avoiding calls or.
Speaker AMessages not because you don't care, but.
Speaker BReally, just because you're spent.
Speaker AYou're disconnected, just plain done.
Speaker AWe disconnect not because we don't love our people, but because we're too depleted to even hold a conversation.
Speaker AI've been there, and so have many other women that I know.
Speaker BYou're not alone.
Speaker AAnd most importantly, you're not broken.
Speaker AMental health doesn't always look like a full breakdown.
Speaker ASometimes it looks like not sleeping well, feeling unmotivated.
Speaker BEven when life is good, it looks.
Speaker ALike losing interest in things that you.
Speaker BUsed to love, or pulling away from.
Speaker AFriends or social events, feeling like you're.
Speaker BGoing through the motions.
Speaker ADid you know that women between the ages of 45 and 64 have the.
Speaker BHighest rate of depression in the US?
Speaker AAdd in hormonal shifts, loss, financial pressure.
Speaker BAnd caregiving stress, and it makes sense.
Speaker AWhy many of us feel overwhelmed.
Speaker AA woman in our community shared that she hadn't realized she was depressed until her daughter asked, mom, when's the last.
Speaker BTime you did something for fun?
Speaker AShe said she actually broke down crying.
Speaker ASometimes we don't even realize how much we're caring.
Speaker BAnother shared how she had retired early to care for her husband and one.
Speaker ADay said, I don't even know what I enjoy anymore.
Speaker AThat quiet loss of identity is something.
Speaker BThat so many of us experience silently.
Speaker BSo let's talk about what healing can look like.
Speaker BNot some dramatic overhaul, but small, sacred shifts.
Speaker BNumber one is movement as medicine.
Speaker AEven 10 minutes of yoga, of walking or dancing can shift your mindset.
Speaker AThat day I got back on the treadmill.
Speaker AIt wasn't about exercise.
Speaker AIt was about awakening.
Speaker AIt reminded me that my body is.
Speaker BStill capable of joy.
Speaker ANumber two is make space to feel.
Speaker AYou should know I'm going to say something about journaling.
Speaker BSo try this journaling prompt.
Speaker BWhat have I been pushing down lately.
Speaker AAnd what do I need instead?
Speaker ANumber three, reconnect with purpose.
Speaker AYou're not just here to work, to give and to endure.
Speaker APurpose doesn't have to be big.
Speaker AIt could be mentoring, gardening, volunteering, or.
Speaker BSimply creating something just for you.
Speaker ANumber four is reach out.
Speaker ALoneliness is one of the biggest mental health risks in our age group.
Speaker AText someone.
Speaker AJoin a women's circle.
Speaker AVolunteer connection is medicine.
Speaker ALet's normalize getting help.
Speaker ALet's drop the shame around therapy and mental health resources.
Speaker BGoing to therapy doesn't mean you're broken.
Speaker BIt really means that you're brave.
Speaker AHere's some resources that you can explore.
Speaker AOne is therapy for Black girls.
Speaker AThe link is going to be in.
Speaker BThe show notes, but in case you want to jot it down, it's really.
Speaker ATherapyforblackgirls.Com Another is psychology Today.
Speaker BOn there you can find licensed therapists in your area.
Speaker AThere is 988.
Speaker BIt's the suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Speaker BYou can call or text that at any time.
Speaker BAnd then there is nami, the national alliance on Mental Health Illness.
Speaker AAnd That's a helpline.
Speaker AIt's 8 or 6264.
Speaker AThat too will be in the show notes.
Speaker BThere's faith based counseling centers in a lot of communities.
Speaker BAnd also check with your employer on resources.
Speaker AFor instance, our company offers support through LifeWorks or Telus, as well as through.
Speaker BOur group medical plan.
Speaker BOr really start this whole thing by talking to your primary care doctor.
Speaker BBut let's normalize healing.
Speaker BLet's normalize rest.
Speaker BLet's normalize needing support.
Speaker ASo here's what I want you to remember today.
Speaker AYou're not alone in what you're feeling.
Speaker AYou're not weak for needing rest.
Speaker AYou're not selfish for wanting joy.
Speaker AAnd you're not too late to heal or to begin again.
Speaker AThis week, choose one thing that supports your mental health.
Speaker AMaybe it's a walk outside or join me on the yoga mat, a therapy.
Speaker BAppointment or reaching out to a friend, Saying no to something that drains you, or simply playing a song that just lets your spirit breathe.
Speaker AAnd if this episode moved you, then share it.
Speaker BLet someone else know that they're not the only one that's carrying the silent wait.
Speaker AUntil next time.
Speaker AGrace up, glow up, and give yourself the care that you so freely give to others.
Speaker ASee you next time.
Speaker AThanks for hanging out with me today.
Speaker AIf you love this episode, do me a favor.
Speaker BShare it with a friend and leave a quick review.
Speaker AIt's a small thing that makes a a big difference.
Speaker ADon't forget to subscribe so you never miss an episode.
Speaker AAnd hey, let's keep the conversation going.
Speaker AJoin me at pod.agingwithgraceinstyle.com for more tips, stories, and a whole lot of connection.
Speaker AUntil next time.
Speaker AKeep shining with grace, style and a touch of sass.