Let Them: What It Really Means for Women Over 50

Okay, so I need to talk to you about something that has been living rent free in my head for a while now.

And before I get into it, let me say, if you have not heard the words, let them yet, I don't know where you've been, but welcome back from wherever that was, because, honey, it is everywhere.

But before I even get into the phrase itself, let me tell you what this actually looks like in real life.

It looks like somebody saying something a little off and you replaying it in your head for two days, trying to figure out what they meant.

It looks like someone not showing up the way you expected, and now you're trying to decide if you need to address it, fix it, or adjust.

Looks like you seeing something, noticing something, and immediately feeling responsible for doing something about it.

That right there, that's what we're talking about today.

Celebrate the journey every single day.

Aging with grace and style in our own special way.

Hey, girl.

Welcome back to Aging with Grace and Style, the podcast for women over 50 who want to move forward with confidence without reinventing their lives.

I'm your host, Valerie Hatcher, and around here, we keep it real, we keep it practical, and we give ourselves a whole lot of grace in the process.

And today, we're talking about two little words that sound simple but will absolutely challenge how you've been moving for years.

So grab your coffee, your tea, your water, whatever you've got, and let's get into it.

So, yes, the phrase let them has been making the rounds, and at its core, it's simple.

When people do things you don't like, don't agree with, or wouldn't choose, you let them.

Let them make that decision.

Let them have that opinion.

Let them move how they're going to move.

Now, when I first heard this, I'm going to be honest, I rolled my eyes and I rolled them hard.

Because I'm thinking, let them.

Let who?

Let them do what?

Because in my world, letting people just do whatever they want has historically led to chaos.

And I spent a lot of years trying to prevent chaos.

But when I sat with it a little longer, I realized something that honestly stopped me in my tracks.

I was spending a whole lot of energy trying to manage things that were never mine to control in the first place.

Think about that.

How much time, how much mental space, how much emotional energy goes into what somebody else is doing, what they said, what they didn't say, how they showed up, how they should have handled something.

And if we're being really honest, a lot of us were taught that caring meant staying involved, that loving people meant helping manage things, that being strong meant holding everything together.

So of course let them feels uncomfortable because it's asking us to do something very different.

Now let's talk about why this hits a little different in this season of life.

Because by the time you've got to your 50s, you've accumulated people.

You've got grown kids, family, long time friendships, work, relationships, church, community.

With all of that comes expectations.

Theirs and yours.

And what happens?

Without us even realizing it, we start gripping.

We grip relationships, we grip roles, we grip how things should go.

We try to keep dynamics the same even when they've shifted.

We take things personally that may not even be personal.

We overextend ourselves trying to maintain things that honestly have already changed.

And here's the quiet truth.

Some of us don't even know who we are outside of being needed.

So when something feels off, our instinct is to step in, to fix it, adjust it, manage it.

But what let them introduce is a different option.

What if you didn't?

What if you let the friendship evolve?

Let the grown adult figure it out.

Let the situation play out without inserting yourself.

Not because you don't care, but because you finally care enough about yourself to stop spending your peace on things that you cannot change.

Let me tell you what I've realized about myself recently.

I'm a fixer.

I fix things all day at work.

Problems come up, I figure them out.

Something isn't working, I adjust it.

There's confusion.

I bring clarity.

That's what I do.

That's what I've always done.

And somewhere along the way, I started believing I was supposed to fix things everywhere.

Not just at work, but in conversations, in relationships, in situations that honestly didn't belong to me.

And I didn't even realize how much I was carrying until I started feeling worn out by it.

And I've noticed it in real time, being in situations where something isn't quite how I would approach it or doesn't fully make sense to me.

And my first instinct is, okay, how do I fix this?

How do I step in, clarify, adjust, make it better?

Because let's be real, some of us don't just notice things.

We immediately start building a solution nobody asked us for.

But here's what I'm learning.

Everything that feels off is not an assignment.

Everything that crosses my path is not mine to carry.

And sometimes that also looks like not getting pulled into every opinion, every reaction, every conversation happening around me.

And I'll be honest, even in this season, that I'm in right now, where there are new dynamics, new expectations, new ways of doing things, there's a pool to manage how everything lands, to make sure everything is received the right way, to make sure nobody feels a certain way to make sure things stay smooth.

And what I'm learning slowly, is that I cannot carry all of that and have peace at the same time.

I just can't.

Now, let me say this because I think this part matters.

Let them does not mean that you become careless.

It doesn't mean you say whatever you want, however you want, and call it freedom.

There's still wisdom.

There's still discernment.

There's still being thoughtful in how you show up.

But there is a difference between being mindful and being held hostage by what people might think.

And a lot of us have been living in that second space.

Because if I don't make this shift, I will wear myself out trying to manage things that were never mine to manage in the first place.

And that's where let them becomes necessary for me.

Now, here's the part of this conversation that doesn't get talked about enough.

There's a second half to let them.

And it's this.

Let me.

Because once you stop managing everybody else, you're left with yourself.

And now the question becomes, what do I want?

And for a lot of us, that's not an easy question to answer right away, because we've spent years adjusting, accommodating, showing up for everybody else.

So now let me figure out what actually works for me.

Let me make a decision without needing everybody to agree.

Let me not explain myself every single time.

Let me be okay if everybody doesn't fully understand.

Let me change my mind.

Let me rest without earning it first.

Let me take my time without decisions, without feeling rushed to figure everything out.

Let me move at a pace that feels right for me, even if it doesn't make sense to everyone else.

Because not every decision needs outside noise.

Some decisions just need space.

Let me be a work in progress without turning that into a problem.

Because here's the truth.

You have spent years allowing other people to be human, messy, inconsistent, still figuring things out and still worthy of grace.

When do you get to be human, too?

Let them.

And then let yourself.

Before we close, I want you to sit with this for a second.

Where are you gripping so tight right now that it's costing you your peace?

For some of you, it's a relationship.

For some, it's a role you're not even sure you want anymore.

For some, it's trying to control how something turns out and how people see you, whatever came to mind first, that's probably your answer.

That's where this work begins.

So here's the bottom line.

Let them is not about giving up.

It's not about being passive.

And it's definitely not about not caring.

It's about being wise with your energy.

Because in this season of life, your energy is precious, your time is valuable, and your peace.

Your peace is non negotiable.

The women I admire most at this stage of life have this settled way about them.

They're not chasing everything.

They're not managing everyone.

They're not overextending themselves, trying to hold it all together.

They've learned to hold people with an open hand instead of a clenched fist.

That's who I'm becoming.

So slowly, imperfectly.

One let them at a time.

And I have a feeling that's who you're becoming to all right, girl, that's our episode.

And if something landed for you today, share this with one woman who needs it.

You know exactly who she is.

Your reflection this week is simple.

What is one thing you're willing to stop carrying?

Just one.

Start there and see what happens.

You can find all episodes@podagingwithgraceandstyle.com and you can listen on Apple, Spotify, Amazon, or Audible.

Until next time, age with grace, live with style, and give yourself permission to let go of what was never yours to carry.

See you next week.

Thanks for hanging out with me today.

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Until next time, Keep shining with grace, style and a touch of sass.

Sam.