Are You Enjoying Your Life—or Just Managing It?

Have you ever had one of those weeks where you got everything done?

Appointments made, bills paid, groceries bought, emails answered, everybody checked on work, handled laundry done, or at least moved from the washer to the dryer, which absolutely counts.

You were productive, you were efficient, you handled business.

And then somebody asked, so what'd you do this week?

And you're like, I don't know.

But I was busy.

And that's what got me thinking.

We can become so good at managing our lives that we forget we're actually supposed to be living them.

Because there's a difference between keeping your life running and actually being present for the life you're working so hard to keep running.

And I'm starting to wonder how often I'm doing one when I think I'm doing the other.

Celebrate the journey every single day.

Aging with grace and style in our arms Special Way.

Welcome to Aging with Grace and Style, the podcast for women who are navigating this season of life with confidence, curiosity, and a little humor.

Because sometimes life makes a whole lot more sense when we can laugh at ourselves.

I'm Valerie Hatcher, and around here we talk about what it really looks like to get older, keep growing, and create a life that feels good to you, not just one that looks good on paper.

And today I want to talk about something that I think a lot of us do without even realizing we're doing it.

We manage our lives very well, actually.

But are we enjoying them?

Because think about how much of life is spent thinking about what's next.

You wake up thinking about what you have to do that day.

You're eating breakfast, thinking about what time you need to leave.

You're driving somewhere, thinking about what you need to do.

When you get there, you're at the grocery store thinking about what you're going to cook.

When you get home, you're cooking dinner, thinking about what you need to do before bed.

And then you get in bed thinking about everything you have to do tomorrow.

Wait a minute.

When exactly were we here?

That's the part I've been thinking about, because there will always be a next thing.

The question is whether we're spending so much time preparing for what's next that we're missing what's happening now.

Somewhere along the way, many of us became operations managers.

And let me tell you, we are really good at it.

We have calendars, reminders.

As a matter of fact, I have two reminder apps.

Don't judge me.

I know, it's crazy.

We have list, appointments, passwords, renewals, subscriptions, perscriptions, birthdays groceries, bills, things that need to be picked up, things that need to be dropped off, things we need to remember to cancel before the free trial ends.

I know I'm not the only one who does that.

And that's just our stuff.

Then there are the people that we love.

Did I call so and so?

How's mom doing?

What's happening with the kids?

When is that appointment?

What are we doing this weekend?

Did I RSVP now?

Whose birthday is coming up?

What time do we need to leave?

And I don't know about you, but I can be sitting perfectly still while my brain has already completed three errands and two conversations.

Now that's talent.

And the truth is, some of this is just life.

Things have to get done.

Bills don't pay themselves.

Appointments don't magically appear on the calendar.

The refrigerator does not replenish itself.

And I've given it plenty of opportunities to do so.

Somebody has to keep things moving.

The problem isn't that we're managing things.

Somebody.

The problem is when managing becomes the only way we experience our lives.

Everything becomes something to handle, something to complete, something to check off, even some of the things we actually want it to do.

And that's what I think.

We lose something without even realizing it.

I can honestly say that I'm guilty of all of this.

I catch myself doing this.

I'll be doing one thing, but mentally, I'm already on the next thing.

And sometimes I'm not even one thing ahead.

I'm about four things ahead.

I'm at lunch thinking, okay, when I leave here, I need to stop there.

And then when I get home, I need to do that.

And don't forget to send that email.

Meanwhile, I'm supposed to be having lunch.

Or you finally get somewhere you've been looking forward to going, and instead of enjoying home where you are, you're thinking about the logistics.

Hmm.

What time do we need to leave?

How long is it going to take us to get home?

Where do we park?

Is traffic going to be bad?

And listen, I like a plan.

I am not about to become the woman who just wanders through life saying, oh, we'll figure it out.

No, we need to know what time we're leaving.

But there's a difference between having a plan and spending the entire experience managing the plan.

And I think sometimes we miss that.

We're physically there, but mentally, we've left the building.

We're so accustomed to anticipating what needs to happen next that it becomes difficult to stop anticipating long enough to experience what's happening now and again.

I'm not talking about sitting cross legged somewhere meditating for 30 minutes, although I am a fan of meditation.

I'm talking about being at dinner and actually being at dinner talking to somebody and actually hearing what they're saying instead of mentally writing your grocery list.

Being at the birthday party without spending the entire party thinking about how long it's going to take to clean everything up.

Being on vacation without managing every minute of the vacation.

Now this one I'm pretty good at because when we go on vacation, my vacay bunny just takes care of everything once we get there.

But seriously, sometimes I think that the woman running our life needs to sit down long enough for the woman living the life to have a turn.

Here's another thing I've noticed.

We say get through a lot.

I just need to get through this week.

I just need to get through this project.

I just need to get through the holidays.

I just need to get through this month.

I am so guilty of this.

And sometimes it's true.

There are seasons that genuinely need to be gotten through.

But if we're not careful, getting through can become our default setting.

Monday, get through it.

Work week.

Get through it.

Busy month.

Get through it.

And then suddenly we're looking at the calendar saying, how is it September already?

Well, we got through January, February, March, April, May, June, July, and August.

Mission accomplished.

But that's the part that makes me stop and think.

I don't want to spend my life getting ready to live my life.

I don't want every week to simply be the bridge to the weekend.

I don't want every month to be something that I'm rushing through to get to the next thing.

And I definitely don't want to look back and realize I was so focused on where I was going that I barely noticed where I was.

Because the ordinary days count too.

Actually, most of life is ordinary days.

Most days aren't birthdays, vacations, weddings, celebrations, or big exciting events.

Most of life is Tuesday.

It's driving to the store.

It's making dinner.

It's talking to somebody you love.

It's sitting in your favorite chair.

It's laughing about something completely ridiculous.

It's Halo doing something that makes me laugh.

It's a conversation with my husband.

Husband is hearing a song I love in the car.

It's little stuff.

And if I'm always waiting for something bigger to happen before I decide I'm really living, I'm going to miss a whole lot of life.

And this is where I think our calendars can fool us a little bit because we tend to think the things worth looking forward to are the things that we've scheduled.

The trip, the dinner reservation, the concert, the birthday, the event.

And those things are wonderful.

But when I think about some of the moments that have made me happiest, a lot of them weren't scheduled.

Nobody put laugh until your stomach hurts on the calendar from 7 to 7:30.

You didn't schedule a conversation that unexpectedly went deeper than you thought it would.

You didn't plan to sit outside longer because the weather felt too good to go inside.

You didn't know your grandchild was going to say or do something that you'd still be laughing about three days later.

You didn't put hear favorite song at exactly the right moment in your planner.

Those moments happen while we're busy living, but we have to be there for them.

And maybe that's one of the reasons some weeks feel like they just disappear.

Nothing was necessarily wrong with the week.

We just moved through it, completing things.

So here's the little question I started thinking about.

What did I enjoy this week?

Not what did I accomplish.

Not what did I finish.

Not what did I handle.

What did I enjoy?

And I don't think the answer has to be something big.

Maybe you had a really good cup of coffee.

Maybe somebody called you and talked for an hour.

Maybe you watched something that made you laugh.

Maybe you had a great workout.

Maybe you sat outside.

Maybe you wore an outfit you loved.

Maybe dinner was really good.

Maybe someone you love was sitting right beside you and for a moment you realized, this is nice.

That's life.

And if you get to the end of the week and you can't think of one thing you enjoyed, don't beat yourself up about it.

Just notice it.

Because maybe that's your sign that the operations manager has been working overtime.

And here's another question I think is worth asking.

What am I looking forward to now?

I like this question because I think anticipation is part of enjoying life, too.

And again, it doesn't have to be a vacation.

It could be lunch with a friend, a new episode of a show you like, a quiet Saturday morning, getting your hair done, going to church, seeing your grandchildren, trying a new restaurant, a package that's supposed to be delivered tomorrow.

Sometimes that Amazon notification is enough.

But I think we need things in our lives that aren't there simply because they need to be handled.

Because sometimes you look at your calendar and everything on it has a responsibility attached.

Doctor meeting, deadline, errand appointment, obligation.

And you realize there isn't one thing on here that I'm excited about that's useful information.

It doesn't mean you need to book a cruise tomorrow.

It might simply mean that you need to put something back into your week that feels like you.

Something you enjoy, something you're curious about.

Something that gives you a reason to say, oh, I'm looking forward to that.

Because our lives shouldn't only contain things that require something from us.

There should be some things that give something back.

And I think this is the part that I really want us to take away from this conversation.

You probably don't need a completely different life.

Sometimes, when we're tired of the routine, we start thinking we need something dramatic.

A big trip, a new hobby, a major change.

And maybe you do, but maybe you don't.

Maybe you just need to get back into the life you already have.

Maybe instead of drinking your coffee while answering emails, you sit down for 10 minutes and actually drink it.

Maybe instead of rushing through lunch with your friends because you have three errands afterward, one of those errands can wait.

Maybe you turn the music up in the car, you sit outside for a little while.

When you get home, maybe you stop trying to make every family gathering run perfectly and actually sit down and talk to your family.

Maybe when somebody you love is telling you a story you've heard before, you listen anyway.

Maybe when something makes you laugh, you let yourself stay there for a minute instead of immediately moving to the next thing.

None of this is revolutionary.

That's kind of the point.

Because enjoying your life doesn't always require adding more enjoyable things.

Sometimes it requires actually noticing the enjoyable things that are already there.

And I think that's different.

We're not trying to create a life where every minute is magical.

That's not real.

There are bills, there are responsibilities, there are hard days, there are boring days.

There are days when the biggest accomplishment is that everybody made it through without getting on each other's nerves.

That's life, too.

But I don't want the good parts to slip past me simply because my mind has already gone on till tomorrow.

Sometimes I need to remind myself this is what's happening right now, not what's next.

This.

So are you enjoying your life or are you just managing it?

Maybe the answer is a little bit of both.

Honestly, it probably is.

For most of us, we're always going to have something to manage.

There will always be another appointment, another errand, another bill, another email, another event, another thing somebody needs, another, another load of laundry.

That's life.

But here's what I don't want us to forget the thing you're rushing through to get to the next thing.

That's life, too.

The Tuesday you're trying to get through the drive you're trying to finish the dinner, you're trying to clean up the conversation you're half listening to because you're thinking about tomorrow, the ordinary afternoon that doesn't seem particularly important.

Important that your life.

And I don't say that to make us feel guilty about every moment we haven't fully appreciated.

Please, I don't need one more thing to feel guilty about.

And I'm guessing you don't either.

I think it's simply a reminder to come back every once in a while.

Come back to the conversation.

Come back to the dinner.

Come back to the music playing in the car.

Come back to the people sitting around you.

Come back to yourself.

And at the end of this week, ask yourself one question.

What did I enjoy?

Not what did I accomplish.

What did I enjoy?

And make sure you have an answer.

Because we put a lot of effort into building these lives, paying for them, organizing them, making sure everything keeps running.

We ought to get to experience them, too.

And if this episode made you think of another woman who is very good at keeping everything running, share it with her.

Maybe both of you could use the reminder that you don't always have to be the manager.

And if you're ready to go a little deeper, grab my free Midlife Wellness Reset ebook.

It's waiting for you@ValerieHatcher.com until next time, take care of yourself.

Enjoy the life you've worked so hard to build.

And every once in a while, girl, let the operations manager take the day off.

She earned some pto.

See you next week.

Thanks for hanging out with me today.

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Join me at pod.agingwithgraceinstyle.com for more tips, stories and a whole lot of connection.

Until next time, keep shining with grace, style and a touch of sassy.

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