Nobody Told Me Retirement Would Feel Like This

You know what nobody told me about retirement?

That you could be excited about it, ready for it, absolutely certain that it's time for a new chapter and still find yourself crying when it's time to walk out the door.

Well, that's exactly where I am right now.

After 32 years with my company, Friday was my last day.

My calendar is no longer filled with meetings, my work responsibilities are officially behind me, and the first time in a very long time, I didn't log into work on Monday morning.

And while that sounds wonderful, and believe me, there are parts of it that absolutely are, I wasn't prepared for just how emotional these last few days would be because apparently there's a whole side of retirement that nobody puts in the brochure.

And today I want to talk about it.

Welcome to Aging with Grace and Style, the podcast for women over 50 who want to move forward with confidence without reinventing their lives.

I'm your host, Valerie Hatcher, and around here we have honest conversations about navigating this season of life with grace, style, and a touch of sass.

And first, let me acknowledge that I've been missing for about three weeks.

Life has been life in, as they say, between traveling, wrapping up my career, and preparing for this next chapter, things have been, let's say, a bit hectic.

But I'm back, and I couldn't think of a more appropriate conversation to have with you today.

Because what I've discovered is that you can be ready for the next chapter and still grieve the one that you're closing.

And whether you are retiring, changing careers, adjusting to an empty net, or navigating another life transition, I think there's something in this conversation for all of us.

Over the last several weeks, I've been doing a lot of last my last trip to Bloomington, Illinois, where my company's corporate headquarters is located, my last meetings, my last conversations as an employee, my last week of doing work that I've genuinely loved for more than three decades.

And then there was Friday, my actual last day.

Now, I've talked about retirement on this podcast before.

I've shared some of the thinking and planning that went into my decision.

And I've been very clear that this was something I wanted.

I wasn't pushed out.

I wasn't running away from a job I hated.

I made a decision that it was time to move into another season of life.

And I still believe that.

But here's what I didn't fully appreciate until these last few days.

Leaving something you love can be just as emotional as leaving something you Don't.

I attended a leadership meeting of a group that I Support, where approximately 100, 150 people gave me a standing ovation.

I had a retirement celebration luncheon with my family and people that I've worked closely with over the years.

I've received flowers, beautiful messages, and words of appreciation that honestly touched me more than I can express.

And through all of that, I began to realize something.

For years, I went to work, solved problems, attended meetings, helped people navigate difficult situations, and did what needed to be done.

It was just what I did.

But listening to people share what our work together meant to them reminded me that sometimes we don't fully recognize the impact we've had until we're preparing to leave.

I spent much of my career in human resources, and if you've ever worked in hr, you know, we see people through just about everything.

The good, the bad, the complicated, and occasionally the downright unbelievable.

But what I loved most was the opportunity to help people, to make a difference, to build relationships.

And over the years, those relationships became an important part of my life.

I intentionally made my final work call with Chris, my partner for the last several years.

We've worked virtually together since 2021, but we've developed a wonderful friendship.

We've laughed at situations that probably weren't funny to anybody but us.

He's the politically correct version of me, which, if you know me, you know somebody needed to be.

And saying goodbye to that daily working relationship was especially difficult.

I know we'll stay in touch, but I also know it won't be quite the same.

And I think that's what hit me hardest.

It wasn't simply the work I was leaving.

It was the people, the connections, and that feeling of being part of something.

And maybe you've experienced that, too, even if you haven't retired.

Maybe you moved away from a community you loved.

Maybe your children grew up and left home.

Maybe you changed careers or stepped away from a role that had been part of your identity for years.

Sometimes we spend so much time looking forward to what's next that we forget there's a goodbye involved.

And some goodbyes deserve to be felt.

Something else that's been on my mind for years.

When someone asked what I did, I had a very clear answer.

I work in hr.

I could tell about my responsibilities, the people I supported, and the problems I helped solve.

I knew where I fit.

And now, well, I guess my official job title is retired, which sounds lovely, but I have to admit, it's going to take some getting used to.

Here's something I think happens to many of us, especially women who've spent decades working, raising families, caring for others, or leading organizations, organizations.

We become so accustomed to being needed that we begin to associate being needed with being valuable.

Think about that for a minute.

When you are the person everyone calls because you have the answer.

When people depend on your judgment and experience, there's a certain satisfaction that comes with that.

But what happens when that role changes?

Who are you when the phone isn't ringing with work questions?

When nobody needs your approval?

When you aren't the person responsible for fixing the problem?

That's a question I found myself sitting with.

And I think it's important to recognize that there's a difference between losing a role and losing your value.

My employment ended Friday.

My experience didn't disappear.

My ability to solve problems didn't vanish.

My compassion, my creativity, my sense of humor and all the things that made me good at my job are still very much a part of who I am.

And the same is true for you.

Maybe you're no longer the full time mom who spends her afternoons driving children from one activity to another.

Maybe you've stepped away from a leadership position.

Maybe your career has changed and you found yourself in a season where people don't need you in quite the same way.

That doesn't mean that you've become less important.

It means the way you express those parts of yourself may be changing.

And here's a thought I want us to consider.

What if our value was never supposed to depend entirely on how useful we are to everybody else?

That's something worth thinking about, isn't it?

There's another part of this that I think we need to talk about, and that's allowing ourselves to feel more than one thing at a time.

I can be grateful for the opportunity to retire, excited about having more freedom, and still feel sad about leaving people and work that I love all at the same time.

And I think that's true of so many transitions in life.

You can be excited that your child is getting married and still miss the days when they lived at home.

You can be grateful that you're no longer responsible for a demanding role and still miss the sense of accomplishment it gave you.

Those feelings aren't contradictions.

They're part of being human.

And sometimes, especially as women, we're quick to talk ourselves out of uncomfortable emotions.

We tell ourselves that we should be grateful.

We remind ourselves that others would love to have our opportunity.

We start listing all the reasons we shouldn't feel sad.

But gratitude doesn't require us to pretend that everything feels wonderful.

No need to talk myself out of missing my colleagues.

And I certainly don't need to have my entire retirement figured out by Monday morning, which is a good thing, because I didn't.

The paperwork may be finished, the farewell party may be over, the calendar may have changed, but sometimes our hearts need a little longer to catch up.

Now, you know me.

I'm not going to spend the entire episode talking about how hard change is without giving us something useful to take away.

And I want to be clear that I'm not coming to you as somebody who's figured retirement out.

Good grief, I barely started.

But I have been thinking about how I want to approach this transition, and I think these ideas can apply to almost any significant life change.

First, honor what you're leaving behind.

Not just the responsibilities, but the things that matter.

Maybe it's the friendships, the routines, the sense of accomplishment, or simply the familiarity of knowing what tomorrow would look like.

Take a little time to recognize those things.

You might even write down what that chapter gave you.

What did you learn?

Who helped shape the woman you've become?

What are you grateful for?

And what parts of that experience do you want to carry forward?

Because an ending doesn't erase everything that came before it.

Second, be intentional about maintaining your connections.

This is something that I've been thinking about a lot when we talk about retirement planning.

We hear plenty about finances, and trust me, that's important.

But how often does anyone ask, who are you going to have lunch with on Tuesday?

Or who are you going to laugh with when something ridiculous happens?

For years, many of our social connections happen naturally through work, and then one day those everyday interactions are gone.

I'm fortunate because I already have some friendships that extend beyond work.

I have a group who we've been meeting monthly for lunch for years.

One has retired, been retired for several years.

Years.

Now I'm joining the retirement club, and another will be retiring soon.

We're going to continue those lunches.

I also have a friend I've worked closely with, and we've made plans to keep up our weekly phone conversations.

I've joined a gym, not only because I want to stay active and strong, but because I recognize the importance of getting out, of being around people and having some structure in my week.

Here's what I want you to remember.

Relationships don't always maintain themselves simply because they matter to us.

Sometimes we have to be intentional.

You don't need a huge circle.

You need meaningful connections.

And sometimes that means being the person who picks up the phone schedules, the lunch or sends the text that says, hey, we haven't talked in a while, let's catch up.

And third, resist the urge to immediately fill the space.

This one that's going to be a challenge for me.

I'm used to having a full calendar.

I'm used to deadlines and projects and people needing something.

And I already have ideas about what I want to do in retirement.

I have this podcast, my content creation, my family, church involvement, and several things that I'm interested in exploring.

But I also recognize that I don't need to turn retirement into another full time job.

I certainly don't want to retire from one set of deadlines just to create an entirely new set for myself.

So I'm going to give myself some breathing room.

And if you're going through a transition, maybe you can do the same.

You don't have to replace everything immediately.

Sometimes it's okay to leave a little space and see what develops.

And that brings me to a question that I've been asking myself lately.

What do I want this next season of life to feel like?

Not just what do I want to accomplish?

Not how many projects can I complete, not how busy can I keep myself, but how do I want to feel?

Do I want more peace?

Certainly more flexibility?

More time for the people I love?

More opportunities to be creative?

More moments when I'm simply enjoying my life instead of managing everything on my calendar?

I think that's a much better starting point than immediately making another long list of things to do.

And I'd encourage you to consider that question too.

What do you want this next chapter to feel like, and what is one small thing you could begin doing to move in that direction?

You don't have to have the entire answer, because I certainly don't.

As I wrap up today's conversation, I want to come back to something that has been on my heart these last few days.

I loved my job and I realized what a blessing it is to be able to say that after more than three decades, I worked with some incredible people.

I built relationships that I hope will last long after my career.

I had opportunities to grow, to lead, to learn, and to make a difference.

And for that I'm grateful.

But I'm also realizing that sometimes the hardest chapters to close are the ones that were really, really good.

We talk so much about moving on to things that no longer serve us.

But what about moving on from something that did?

What about recognizing that something can still be meaningful, still be good, and still have reached its natural ending?

That's where I am and maybe that's where you are too.

So if you're standing at the age of a new chapter, feeling a mixture of excitement, uncertainty, gratitude, and sadness, I hope you'll give yourself permission to feel all of it.

You don't have to rush to the happy ending.

You don't have to know exactly what's coming next.

And you don't have to prove that you're making the right decision by being happy every single minute.

Sometimes the right decision can still be a difficult one.

I'm going to miss my colleagues.

I'm going to miss solving problems.

I'm going to miss being part of a team and doing work I believed in.

But I'm also looking forward to discovering what this next chapter has to offer.

And I hope you'll come along with me because I have a feeling we're going to learn a few things together.

If this episode resonated with you, especially if you've experienced a major life transition, I'd love to hear about it.

What was the hardest part of saying goodbye to a chapter of your life and what helped you move on?

You can connect with me on Instagram or Facebook amvaleriehatcher and if you know another woman who needs to hear this conversation, please share it with her.

Thank you for spending this time with me.

I'm glad to be back, and as I always say, aging is not a curse.

It's 100% a blessing.

Until next time, keep aging with grace, style and a touch of sass.

See you later.

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