Have We Made Aging Too Much Work?

Apparently, there's a way to get older.

Did you know this?

We are supposed to age, look good, stay fit, eat enough protein, drink enough water, protect our bones, protect our brains, maintain meaningful relationships and friendships, find our purpose, keep learning, plan financially, stay fashionable, get enough sleep, manage our stress, take care of our skin, get our steps in, lift weights, and don't forget to stretch.

Girl.

When did aging become a performance review?

Because apparently there are goals, competencies and development opportunities.

And I don't know about you, but I'm starting to wonder, can I just get older without having to be employee of the month at it?

Because I absolutely want to age well.

I want to be healthy, I want to be strong.

I want to.

I want my mind to stay sharp.

I want to look good, I want to enjoy my life for as long as possible.

But good grief, at some point we have turned aging well into a full time job and I don't remember applying for this position.

Living our best life.

It's good to be alive, but it's best to truly live.

Let your spirit fly.

So celebrate the journey every single day.

Aging with grace and style in our own special way.

Welcome to Aging with Grace and Style, the podcast for women who are navigating this season of life with confidence, curiosity and the little humor.

Because sometimes you just have to laugh at this stuff.

I'm Valerie Hatcher, and around here we talk about what it really looks like to get older, keep growing, and create a life that feels good to you, not one where you're constantly wondering whether you're doing it right.

And today we're talking about something that I think a lot of us can relate to.

All the things we're apparently supposed to be doing to age well.

Because the list keeps getting longer.

Now, before somebody comes for me, let me say this.

I'm not suggesting we throw caution to the wind, cancel our doctor's appointment, stop exercising, and live exclusively on cake or.

Although that would be pretty good, I believe in taking care of myself.

The older I get, the more I think about my health, my strength, my brain, my finances, and what I want my future to look like.

So this isn't about not caring.

It's about wondering when all these things became one giant assignment.

Because there is a difference between taking care of yourself and constantly feeling like you're falling behind at taking care of yourself.

And lately, I think aging well has started to feel a little like the second one.

Let's just talk about the checklist.

First.

There's exercise, but not just exercise.

You need cardio for your health.

Strength training because we lose muscle as we age.

Weight bearing, exercise for our bones, balance, work so we don't fall.

Stretching for flexibility, walking for our steps.

And somewhere in there, apparently we're supposed to recover.

Then there's food, get enough protein, get enough fiber, drink, drink your water, eat your vegetables, watch the sugar, watch the salt, eat healthy fats, make sure you're getting calcium.

And depending on what you watched or read that morning, there's probably something that you've been eating your entire life that is suddenly trying to kill you.

Then there's brain health.

Keep learning.

Doing puzzles, read, stay socially connected, try new things, learn a language, learn play wordle, then their sleep, 7 to 9 hours.

Manage your stress, meditate, journal, practice, gratitude.

Stay connected to your friends, find your purpose, keep your marriage healthy, manage your money, plan for retirement and think about long term care.

Keep up with technology so your grandchildren don't have to explain everything to you.

And ladies, we haven't even gotten to looking good yet.

Skin care, sunscreen, retinol, collagen, hair, makeup, clothes.

Apparently we're supposed to embrace aging while at the same time making sure nobody can tell that we're doing it.

Make that make sense.

Lord, I am tired just talking about it.

And the funny thing is, none of those things by themselves are bad.

That's what makes this so sneaky.

It's all good advice, but when you put all of it together, you start feeling like you're behind before you've even had breakfast.

I've heard myself saying this.

I didn't sleep eight hours.

I need more protein.

I haven't worked out, I didn't get my steps yesterday, I haven't called my friends.

I should be doing something for my brain.

Am I saving enough?

Should I be taking collagen?

And why is everybody suddenly taking magnesium?

Do I need magnesium?

At some point you want to raise your hand and say, excuse me, who is grading this?

Because I have questions.

And just when you think you figured out the checklist, here comes something else.

That's the part that gets me.

You can be walking around feeling pretty good about yourself.

You're drinking your water, you're exercising, you're taking your vitamins, you've got a little skincare routine going.

Look at you, aging well.

Then you get online.

Big mistake.

Because somebody says women over 50, if you're not doing this every day, Lord, what now?

So of course I have to listen because apparently this is urgent.

Now there's a supplement I've never heard of, a stretch I should have started doing 10 years ago.

Something I need to stop eating immediately.

Something else I need to start eating immediately and apparently I've been walking wrong.

How on earth have I made it this far?

That's where I think we have to be careful because there's so much information coming at us that it's easy to turn every new thing we hear into another requirement.

Somebody tells us something is good for our brain health, add it to the list.

Something helps with longevity.

Added bone health, Added gut health Added skin health.

We're definitely listening now.

Before you know it, your morning routine is three hours long and you need one of those pill organizers that looks like carry on luggage.

I'm being funny, but know that I'm not saying we shouldn't learn.

I want good information.

If there's something I can reasonably do that helps me stay healthy, strong and independent, I want to know about it.

But I don't have to do everything that I hear about that's been a little fraying for me.

I can hear a good idea and say, hmm, that's interesting.

And then keep scrolling.

I don't have to order it.

And honestly, more times than not, I don't order it.

I don't have to download it.

I don't have to start a challenge Monday.

I don't have to immediately add it to my life because at some point aging well also has to include having a life.

Now here's where I don't want us to get it twisted.

Because after all this complaining about the checklist, the truth is I really do want to age well.

The older I get, the more I understand why some of these things matter.

I want to be strong not because I'm trying to turn myself into a fitness model at this stage of the game.

I want to be strong because I want to keep doing things.

I want to be able to get down on the floor and more importantly, get myself back up.

I recently saw something that said you should practice getting off the floor without using your hands daily.

I tried it for a few weeks.

Honestly, I'd forgotten about it until now when I was telling you it's really a pretty good exercise to do as it builds strength in case of a fall.

I want to play with my grandchild or grandchildren.

I want to travel.

I want to carry my own bags.

I want to maintain my independence for as long as I possibly can.

I care about my brain because I want to stay sharp and engaged.

I care about my finances because I want choices.

I care about relationships because I don't want to get so busy with life that I Lose the people who make life good.

And yes, I care about how I look.

I'm going to sit here and pretend otherwise.

I. I want to look cute.

I want to enjoy clothes, I enjoy makeup, I enjoy putting myself together.

But I'm doing that because it makes me feel good, not because I'm trying to convince anyone that I'm 42.

I was 42.

It was fine, but we've moved on.

So, yes, I want to age well.

But I think my definition of aging well is getting simpler.

It's less about trying to check every box, and it's more about asking, what do I need to do now to support the life I want to keep living?

That's a very different question.

I think this is where we can make aging harder than it has to be.

We start grading ourselves, we miss a workout, and suddenly you're failing at fitness.

You eat something that wasn't really nutritious, and suddenly you're failing at eating healthy.

You spend the afternoon on the sofa watching television instead of doing something productive, and suddenly you feel like you wasted the day.

Why?

Maybe you needed the sofa.

The sofa has supported women through some things.

Let's show the sofa some respect.

One day isn't your life, one meal isn't your diet, one missed workout isn't Isn't your health One lazy Saturday doesn't mean you've given up on personal growth.

We have spent enough years being evaluated.

School graded us, work evaluated us, and then we evaluated ourselves.

Am I a good enough mother?

A good enough wife?

A good enough daughter?

Am I successful enough?

Is my house clean enough?

Do I look good enough?

Did I accomplish enough today?

I refuse to get to this age and start giving myself an annual performance review for turning another year older.

Valerie demonstrates satisfactory progress in aging but needs improvement in hydration and flexibility.

No, ma'.

Am.

Because when everything becomes something we're supposed to improve, optimize, or track, even the things that are supposed to make life better can start sucking the joy out of us.

And I don't think that's the point.

Here's something I think we need to put back on the aging well checklist.

Enjoy life.

That's it?

Why doesn't that get talked about as much?

Yes, take the walk.

But sometimes walk because it's a beautiful day, not because your watch says you're 2,000, 317 steps short.

That is so mean.

Y' all eat nutritious food because you want your body to feel good.

And sometimes eat the dessert because somebody made a really good peach cobbler.

And you're not about to disrespect their efforts.

Exercise and sometimes take the nap.

Save your money and sometimes buy the shoes.

Keep your brain active and sometimes watch a television show that does absolutely nothing for your intellectual development.

Call your friends, laugh, go somewhere, stay home, try something new.

Do something you've done 100 times simply because you still enjoy it.

Not everything has to contribute to your longevity.

Not every hobby has to make you smarter.

Not every meal has to be perfect.

Not every day has to be productive.

Sometimes you can just enjoy being alive.

And maybe that's part of aging well too.

Actually, I think it's a pretty big part.

Because what exactly are we trying so hard to preserve if we're too busy preserving it to enjoy it?

So I've decided my aging well checklist needs to be shorter.

Much shorter.

Taking care of my health.

Keep moving, keep learning.

Manage my money, love my people, keep my faith, look cute, laugh often, enjoy my life.

That's enough.

And even that list isn't getting done perfectly every Tuesday.

Some days I'll hit the protein goal in the workout.

Other days I'll hit the sofa and the remote.

It's called balance, right?

And your list doesn't have to look like mine.

Maybe traveling is important to you.

Maybe gardening is.

Maybe you want to run a marathon at 70.

God bless you.

I will be at the finish line cheering you on.

Maybe you want to spend more time with your grandchildren.

Maybe you want to start a business.

Maybe you want to do less.

Maybe aging well for you means finally having the freedom to stop filling every minute with something productive.

That's the point.

You get to decide what aging looks like for you.

Not social media, not a magazine, not somebody selling you a supplement.

You.

So have we made aging too much work?

I think maybe we have.

Not because taking care of ourselves is too much work.

That's important, but because somewhere along the way we started acting like there was a perfect way to do this.

There isn't.

You can be intentional without being obsessive.

You can care about your future without spending every day worrying about it.

You can work on your health without treating your body like a never ending improvement project.

You can plan for tomorrow without turning today into one long preparation for being 80.

Maybe the point of aging well isn't to become really good at aging.

Maybe it's to stay healthy enough, strong enough, connected enough, curious enough, and present enough to keep enjoying your life as you age.

Because what good is adding years to your life if you're spending every one of them worried that you're not aging correctly.

So drink your water, eat your protein, lift your weights, call your girlfriends, save for retirement, wear the sunscreen, and every once in a while, eat the cake, skip the steps, buy the shoes and mind your business.

I think that's part of healthy aging too.

And here's my question for you.

If you could throw out everybody else's aging well checklist and make your own, what would be on it?

I'd love to know.

And if this episode made you laugh or made you realize you've been giving yourself an aging performance review nobody asked for, share it with a friend who could use the reminder too.

And if you're ready to go a little deeper, grab my Midlife Wellness Reset ebook.

It's waiting for you@ValerieHatcher.com until next time, take care of yourself.

Enjoy yourself.

And remember, you don't have to get an A in aging.

There isn't even a test.

See you next time.

Thanks for hanging out with me today.

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Until next time, keep shining with grace, style and a touch of sass.