DO YOU REALLY NEED TO REINVENT YOURSELF AFTER 50?

Everybody keeps asking me the same question lately.

So what are you going to do next?

And I understand why they're asking.

I really do.

When you're closing out one chapter of your life, especially a big one, people naturally want to know what the next chapter looks like.

But sometimes I feel I'm supposed to pull out a five year plan, a vision board, a business plan, and maybe a PowerPoint presentation to explain exactly what I'm doing next.

And girl, I don't want to reinvent myself.

I just want five minutes to figure out what actually next.

Living our best life.

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Aging with grace and stuff, Style in our own special way.

Welcome to Aging with Grace and Style, the podcast for women who are ready to live this season of life on their own terms with confidence, curiosity, and, of course, a touch of sass.

I'm your host, Valerie Hatcher, and today we're talking about something I think a lot of us experience as we get older.

This idea that once one chapter ends, we should already know exactly what the next one is going to be.

The second act, the reinvention, the big comeback, the new purpose.

And lately I've been wondering, what if I don't need to reinvent myself at all?

What if I just need some time and space to figure out what I want next?

Because those are two very different things.

We hear a lot about reinvention these days, especially for women over 50 and 60.

And don't get me wrong, I love seeing women doing things.

Starting businesses, traveling, going back to school, changing careers, writing books, getting fit, moving across the country, starting over.

I love all of that, and I'm here for it all.

I think it's wonderful that we're finally seeing examples of women whose lives don't somehow stop being interesting once they hit a certain age.

But I also think somewhere along the way, reinvention became another thing we're supposed to accomplish.

Now it's not enough to get older.

We're supposed to get older fabulously.

We're supposed to discover our purpose, find our passion, launch our second act and post beautiful pictures of ourselves doing it, preferably maybe somewhere in Italy.

And I'm starting to think, can we just have a minute?

Because what we usually see is the finished product.

We see the woman who left corporate America and opened a little shop she'd always dreamed about.

We see the woman who moved to another country.

We see the woman who started the business.

We see the woman who finally wrote the book.

What we don't always see are the six months or even the two years when she was sitting at her kitchen table saying, I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing.

We don't see the ideas she tried that didn't work.

We don't see what she changed her mind about.

We don't see the mornings when she thought, maybe I made a mistake.

We see the reinvention.

We don't see the figuring it out part.

And I think that's important, because when you're standing in the figuring it out part, it's very easy to look at somebody else's finished product and think you're behind.

But behind what?

Whose timeline are we following?

Nobody handed me a schedule that said, by this date, Valerie, you need to know exactly what the next phase of your life looks like.

And yet, sometimes I put that pressure on myself anyway.

And here's where this gets a little interesting for me.

My word.

This season has been execute.

Because I know myself.

I can think, I can plan, I can research, I can make a list.

And then I can make a list about the list.

I can spend so much time getting ready to do something that I have to remind myself, girl, at some point, you actually have to do it.

So execute has been important for me.

Stop waiting for everything to be perfect.

Stop tweaking forever.

Take the next step.

Put the thing out there, do the work.

But lately, I've realized something.

Executing and exploring aren't opposites.

I can execute on what I know while I'm still exploring what I don't.

And that was a bit of an aha moment for me, because there are things I know.

I know I love this podcast.

I know I enjoy connecting with women in this season of life.

I know there are ideas and projects that I want to pursue.

Those are the things I can act on.

But there are also things that I don't know yet.

I don't have to manufacture an answer just because someone asked me what's next.

Maybe some of what next will only become clear because I started moving.

That's the part I think we sometimes miss.

We think we need the complete plan before we start.

But sometimes you don't think your way into clarity.

Sometimes you move your way into clarity.

You try something, you pay attention, you learn, you adjust, you try something else, and eventually you begin to recognize what fits.

I think one reason we struggle with this is because figuring things out doesn't always look productive.

There's nothing impressive about saying I'm exploring.

People want specifics, so Are you starting a business?

I don't know.

Are you going to travel?

Probably.

Are you going to work again?

Maybe.

What are you going to do with your time?

I'll let you know when I know.

And if you're someone who has spent most of your adult life being responsible, productive, and organized, uncertainty can feel uncomfortable.

We're accustomed to having a plan.

We're accustomed to knowing what's expected of us.

There were deadlines, meetings, school calendars, children's schedules, career goals, performance reviews, budgets, appointments.

There was always something telling us what needed to happen next.

And then you reach a season where some of those structures start changing.

Suddenly there is more room.

And you would think we'd immediately say, yeah, freedom.

Instead, some of us look at the empty space and think, okay, what am I supposed to do here?

Maybe nothing.

Maybe the space itself is part of the gift.

I've been thinking about this differently lately.

Instead of asking myself, what am I going to do for the next five years?

Maybe the better question is, what am I curious about right now?

That's a much easier question.

And honestly, it's a much more interesting one.

Because curiosity doesn't require a commitment.

You can try something without announcing, this is now your new identity.

You can take a class, start a project, volunteer, create something, travel somewhere, pick up an old hobby, try a new hobby, have coffee with someone.

Doing something that interests you.

You can experiment.

And if you discover you don't like it, that's information.

We have this strange idea that changing our minds means we've wasted time.

I don't believe that.

Sometimes finding out what you don't want gets you much closer to what you do want.

And I think that's particularly important at this stage of life.

We have enough life experience now to know that not every decision has to become a forever decision.

I can say, let me see how this feels.

That's allowed.

Curiosity is not a stalling tactic.

Curiosity is a legitimate starting point.

Now, I do have to add something here, because I know some of us, and by some of us, I may or may not be talking about myself.

But there is a difference between exploring and avoiding.

You can call something research for three years if you want to.

At some point, you're just hiding.

That's why I still need execute.

Exploration doesn't mean sitting still forever waiting for a lightning bolt to hit you and suddenly reveal your life's purpose.

It means giving yourself enough room to discover, but also being willing to take a step when something starts pulling at you.

You don't have to see the entire staircase but eventually, girlfriend, we're going to have to put a foot on the first step.

And if it's the wrong staircase, it's okay, come back.

We're grown.

We're allowed to change direction.

But there's another piece of this that I really want us to talk about, because I think this might be where some of the pressure comes from.

We've been conditioned to believe that what's next should somehow be bigger.

The next job should be bigger.

The next business should be successful.

The next chapter should be exciting.

The the second act should be impressive.

But what if what's next isn't bigger?

What if it's quieter?

What if it gives you more flexibility?

What if you make less money but you have more time?

What if you don't want to build an empire?

What if you want mornings where you can drink your coffee without looking at the clock?

What if you want to spend more time with people you love?

What if you want to create simply because you enjoy creating?

What if you want to travel more, garden, read, take care of your body, learn something.

Sit on your patio, pick up the grandbabies in the middle of the day?

What if the next chapter looks less impressive on paper but feels much better in your actual life?

I think that's a question worth asking.

Because after spending decades doing what needed to be done, maybe one of the privileges of this season is getting to ask what kind of life actually feels good to me now.

Not what looks successful.

Not what gets applause.

Not what.

Not what makes a great social media post.

Not what somebody else thinks I should be doing.

What fits me.

I think uncertainty gets a bad reputation.

We treat I don't know like it's a problem that needs to be solved immediately.

But sometimes I don't know is simply the truth.

Sometimes.

And there is something freeing about being able to say that without feeling embarrassed about it.

I don't know yet.

I'm thinking about it.

I'm exploring.

I'm paying attention.

I'm trying a few things.

I'm changing my mind about some things.

I'm discovering that some things I thought I wanted don't interest me anymore.

And I'm discovering some things I didn't expect to want.

That's not being lost.

That's paying attention to your life.

And I think there's a big difference.

You can be uncertain without being lost.

You can be exploring without being stuck.

You can be moving forward without knowing exactly where the road ends.

So the next time somebody asks me what's next, maybe I don't need a polished answer.

Maybe the answer is I'm figuring it out.

And I'm becoming more comfortable with that.

Because here's what I do know.

I don't feel like I'm done.

Not even close.

I still have ideas.

I still have things I want to experience.

I still want to create.

I still want to learn.

I still want to grow.

I still want to contribute.

But I don't need to turn all of that into a five year plan today.

And neither do you if you're standing between what was and whatever is coming next.

Don't rush through this simply because uncertainty makes you uncomfortable.

Pay attention to what interests you.

Try some things.

Do what you already know to do.

Explore what you don't.

Give yourself permission to change your mind.

And remember, you don't have to reinvent yourself.

You're already somebody.

Maybe this season isn't about becoming a new woman.

Maybe it's simply about getting curious about what the woman you already are wants now.

Whatever comes next, it doesn't have to impress anybody.

It just has to fit the life you want to live.

If you're in the middle of figuring it out, not reinventing, not launching your fabulous second act by next Tuesday, just figuring it out.

Send this episode to a girlfriend who might need permission to not have all the answers yet, and I'd love to know what you're exploring in this next season.

Until next time.

Always remember, aging is not a curse.

It is 100% a blessing.

See you next time.

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Until next time, Keep shining with grace, style and a touch of sass.